Joy
Alysa Liu, B-Rabbit, Daoism, and what is takes to win
I am turning 30 next week. In some ways, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not more significant than any other birthday. It is, however, a milestone where I can decide to take stock of who and where I am and what and where I will be in the future.
Recently, on a macro level, I’m trending slightly towards doomerism. I’m honestly freaked out about the state of American politics, the economy, the middle east, epstein, inflation, and the collapse of the society that I grew up loving. It’s possible I am too chronically online, but I can’t stop myself from feeling completely hopeless against the blatant corruption and violence that is happening closer and closer to home.
This low level anxiety is not benefiting me. Instead, it activates a sort of freeze response where I’m stuck in inaction until the outside world appears safe again, like a mouse hiding underneath a book case, waiting for the giants to clear.
Paradoxically, on an average day to day, I feel more secure in myself than ever before. I have a sense of what matters to me, how I would ideally like to spend my time, and what my values are. For example, I rarely drink alcohol anymore which aligns with the life I want to live. Going on walks and noticing birds or flowers brings me more enjoyment than pursuing overt sensory pleasures.
For my 30’s, I would like to embody joy and effortlessness. Something like zen. My hypothesis is that I more or less have accepted my own inadequacies which gives me a sense of peace, but I have yet to accept the imperfections of society and the external world. Moreover, feeling bad about the state of the world isn’t actually helping anyone. I have an opportunity to relinquish these negative ruminations which will also allow me to break the freeze. The reality is there isn’t much that I can do to solve the United States debt (death?) spiral. The same is true for the other issues.
I’m reminded of the C.S. Lewis quote about doing “sensible and human things”—even if the concerns are real, I don’t have to let fear control me. I still have a choice.1
There are also small actions I can take that can perhaps move the needle. I still have time, money, and my attention to offer.
Last Fall, I had to send an important parcel at the USPS on East Broadway. From what I can tell, working at USPS is a grueling, thankless job where customers are stressed, demanding, and mean.
During my visit, after reaching the front of the line to speak with an employee, I was instructed to leave the line to fill out a few forms. After filling out the forms, I had to wait in line again.
Once I made it back to the counter a second time, I met a different woman whose name tag read ‘Ms. Harvey’ which I thought was interestingly specific. Ms. Harvey informed me that my forms were filled out incorrectly and that I would need to step out of line again and correct them.
I felt the time pressure because the location was about to close so I rushed to a table and updated the forms to the best of my ability. When Ms. Harvey noticed I was finished she stopped someone else from stepping up to her window saying, “He was here first.” This let me skip the line and made sure that my parcel was sent in time. After everything was successfully submitted, I said, “Thank you, Ms. Harvey.”
In that moment I swear her eyes lit up and she gave me the brightest smile. It was like a lamp illuminating an entire park which otherwise was completely dark.
My guess is most people talk at Ms. Harvey and that they are not nice to her; that when there is a mistake with the parcel forms they blame her instead of themselves, or when a package is missing for pick up I imagine she gets yelled at. Noticing her unique name tag and thanking her by name was enough to give her some amount of joy.
Therefore, Phase 1 of my plan is to do what I can with what I have and to not worry about things that are out of my control. Saying thank you to someone may not seem impactful, but it helps reinforce their humanity. Similarly, treating others with respect and consideration is life giving. Humans have psychological needs beyond food and shelter, and I can help others simply by acknowledging their inherent value.
In summation, Phase 1 is essentially the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as he did, the sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that he will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever.
—Reinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971
If I can accept the way things are, only giving effort to what is within my control, then Phase 2 is how I bridge the gap to the aforementioned joy and effortlessness.
Non-attachment does not mean the elimination of personal goals. Instead, it is something that is born out of joy in the present action. I am permitted to want. For example, I want a family. I want financial stability. I want to be physically fit. I want control of my time. However, wanting does not equate to achieving.
I admit, many goals are also achievable through brute force. I can force my body to look a certain way or to be capable of certain feats. I don’t think this method scales. In order to be the best—in the world or the ceiling of your own potential—you must be fueled by joy. Joy and love are not concerned with a specific outcome. They are instead fully present in the task at hand. Psychologists would call this flow state. Athletes might call it being in the zone.
Trying acts as a barrier against success. When I was training for the marathon, I realized that during runs where I tried to run fast, I would get more tired and run slower than runs where I stopped trying. I know this sounds impossible. I’m not explaining it well.
When I reflect on my best chess performances, I realize that I win more when I stop trying. I stop caring about the outcome of the game, and I approach every position with joy. In practice, this means that I am curious about what my opponent is trying to do. I can be fascinated by both of our moves and at the end of the game, I find that I had fun. Let’s play again!
Magnus Carlson, the greatest chess player of all time, also said that as a child he would push back against chess coaches that forced him to grind a rote form of studying. He found success through alternative approaches that allowed him to develop a chess intuition that no one else has ever matched. He thinks about the game all the time but in a way that is natural to him.
Similarly, Alysa Liu, 2026 Olympic Figure Skating Gold medalist, embodies an effortlessness that allows her to be the best at her craft. She quit the sport for a time because she was forced to train and look a certain way by her coach and father, only coming back on her own terms: “Motivated by that moment, she called her coach and returned to training, structuring her comeback entirely on her own terms, including choosing her coaches, music, and competition looks, while deciding her father would not be involved in the process.”2 Part of that comeback meant having the power to determine when, and when not, to train: “I pick hanging out with my friends over a session, and if that makes me a worse skater, so be it.”
I find Alysa so inspiring because she represents the non-attached approach to success. She soars across the ice and her smile lights up the stands.
8 Mile’s B-Rabbit serves as a fictional example of radical personal acceptance, vulnerability, and triumph. In the beginning of the film, B-Rabbit freezes during a rap battle, unable to say a word (despite possessing the necessary ability to succeed) because of his overwhelming desire to prove his legitimacy as a rapper and to escape the confines of trailer park poverty and his dead end job.
Throughout the film, B-Rabbit learns to accept himself. He is no longer afraid of being vulnerable or of failing. In the championship bout against Papa Doc, the reigning rap battle champion, in a new tournament at the end of the film, B-Rabbit says:
I am white, I am a fucking bum
I do live in a trailer with my mom
My boy Future is an Uncle Tom
I do got a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob
Who shoots himself in his leg with his own gun
I did get jumped by all six of you chumps
And Wink did fuck my girl
I'm still standin' here screaming, "Fuck the Free World!3
The most beautiful moment of the entire sequence comes from the realization that B-Rabbit does not care about winning. He cares about delivering an honest performance. He embodies joy. His words flow like water. The audience is made aware of this fact once Papa Doc starts his set.
Initially, B-Rabbit takes a seat on stage, accepting whatever Papa Doc will say in response. At this moment, he does not think that he has won.
Only a moment before it becomes clear that Papa Doc has nothing to say is when B-Rabbit’s eyes shift. He looks at Papa Doc in disbelief. B-Rabbit realizes he is going to win.
Before Papa Doc folds underneath the pressure, B-Rabbit is in complete acceptance of whatever happens. His non-attachment allowed him to have the performance of his life, and to win.
There is a famous story from Zhuangzi’s Basic Writings about a butcher who focuses on the way, “What I care about is the Way, which goes beyond skill. When I first began cutting up oxen, all I could see was the ox itself. After three years I no longer saw the whole ox. And now — now I go at it by spirit and don’t look with my eyes. Perception and understanding have come to a stop and spirit moves where it wants.”4 The butcher is describing Wu wei (無爲) which is a central Daoist concept that translates to non-doing or effortless action. The butcher doesn’t care about cutting the ox. In order to flow, you must transcend the action itself. To be the best butcher you cannot want to be the best butcher. To be the best butcher you must want to be the best butcher and then forget wanting it.
At dinner last week, I told a friend of mine that I wanted to embody joy and effortlessness this year. He said, “Oh, so you basically want to reignite a childlike wonder.” I would not have put it that way when I first started thinking about this, but after considering that description, it is a succinct way of defining this entire article.
Children experience what is in front of them with the full range of emotions, and they don’t fear judgement or the future. Children know how to play. They are naturally curious and exploratory. There is a reason that children “belong to the kingdom of heaven.”5 Of course, there is a cynical view of children and their ignorance. A fully developed adult brain is able to consider the future. It can also understand the perspectives of others. It has a functioning prefrontal cortex.
My goal is not to be ignorant like a child. I want to embody a childlike joy and curiosity despite my awareness of the evil that exists in the world. Something like Waymond’s character in Everything Everywhere All At Once. In the beginning of the film, it seems like Waymond is incompetent and ignorant, but at the end of the film it is clear he embodies a quiet, subtle strength that was misunderstood.
In fact, all of my heroes represent a meekness that I believe to be much more powerful than obvious strength and force. Alyosha, Jesus, Waymond, Buddha, Spider-Man, Samwise Gamgee, as well as certain coaches, older friends, and friend’s fathers who have mentored me and taken interest in me throughout my life—these are a few off of the top of my head but there are many more; and I’m only listing men as an example of masculinity I wish to cultivate within myself.
I’ve opened up a can worms that I could write and think about for the rest of my life (questions and reflections on these figures: what is power?; when is violence necessary if ever?; Si vis pacem, para bellum; Fanon vs MLK) and likely will, but I think I’ve illustrated my point for now.
So, for my 30th birthday, and for the next 10 years, I wish to follow my intuition. I want to be full of joy. I want to better love everyone around me. I want to be unafraid. I want to live effortlessly. And in an experiment against effort and force, I believe I will reach heights I could never before have imagined. I will win.
happy early birthday Liam! wishing you a life full of joy!!